YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
