I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
