Don't make out with my wife yet
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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