She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
