Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just pee around me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
