Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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