Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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