i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
