I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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