I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
