This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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