try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
