I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
