Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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