Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
