U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
