I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
