if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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