We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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