i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
