i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
