It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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