:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
