morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
