I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
