Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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