You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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