u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize