I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Randomize
