??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize