I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
