Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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