Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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