I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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