I just cut my nipple shaving
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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