The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
