she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
