I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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