the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
