I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
