There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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