and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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