taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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