This is not my ceiling
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
