Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize