He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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