God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
