my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
