I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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