decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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