nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
