I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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