hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
