The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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