She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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