Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
