Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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