I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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