I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
