I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
