I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
