Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
