Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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