So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
