He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
