we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My ass is underappreciated
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
