Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
