Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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