Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
