Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Everything about him screamed your future.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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