So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
