you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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