Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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