i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Holy shit dude........stairs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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