The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
