if you like me you must not know who I am
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
