I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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